On June 6, 1987, Rick and I were married in front of 200+ guests at a church we'd only visited once by a pastor we barely knew. Our ceremony was beautiful and full of friends and relatives who were probably breathing a sigh of relief that their friends had finally found their soul mates. We had a super great time at our wedding and reception, but do you know what I remember the most? Striking the word "obey" from our wedding vows. In my remarkably immature 28 years of age, I thought there was absolutely no way I would ever obey my husband. I considered myself formidably independent and in no need of subjugation by another human.
Eight years later Rick asked if I would support him should he decide to launch a private consulting business with his friend, Gregg. Up to this point Rick had been in the banking industry, specifically the lending department. And from the onset of our relationship Rick had determined that he wanted to be a bank president, someday. Now, he was suddenly asking me to support a new and scary business venture ~ one that came without a steady, assured paycheck.
Truth be told I'd married Rick for many things, one of those reasons being his accounting background and desire to ascend the workplace ladder to the top. We were both working and living comfortably. I briefly wondered if Rick could support our lifestyle and what changes may come as a result.
Because I'd grown up with a father who worked as a social worker for the county government, I knew how tight money could be, especially with two children to feed. As a teenager I remembered my father asking my mother if she would support his desire to work full-time as a dog trainer rather than as a social worker. (My father loved all animals and excelled as a horse and dog trainer. His great uncle was a famous horse jockey named Fred Taral. Look it up. He's listed on Wikipedia.) "No. We need your steady paycheck, Nick." I will never know, but I think my father regretted not tackling his dream and heart's desire to work full time as a professional dog trainer.
So when Rick asked me for support to start a consulting business, not missing a beat, I said, "Of course." Seven years later, this consulting practice became a non-profit business/ministry and we found ourselves leading a life of ministry. The company name evolved from Integrity Management to Unconventional Business Network over a span of about 10 years.
There were hard lessons for me to learn when Rick left the banking industry to pursue his calling. We experienced some very, very lean years, but also rejoiced during profitable years. My learning curve took place very slowly. But I finally began to understand that God would provide for our needs ~ on His timetable ~ and I need not worry about His provisions.
There were very deep, deep valleys that we walked through along with great disappointments. Working in a ministry, albeit a business ministry, could be utterly painful and quite lonely. People tend to view you differently when they learn you are in the ministry.
I learned to stand strong in the wake of vicious storms in life. Satan loved to attack our family, but we stood strong. Our children learned the value of prayer. And they learned that life is not always 'living happily ever after'. As of this writing, both daughters are navigating life's challenges with grace and gritty determination ~ trusting God to move them forward.
By obeying the still, small voice of God to stand alongside and support Rick, I also learned to trust in Rick's wisdom and insight. I learned, too, that the biblical definition of OBEY is different than the world of today's definition.
A biblical definition of obedience means for a wife to "confidently follow her husband's lead for he does have a responsibility for leadership in their home". It's only as a leader ~ not as a tyrant or superior ~ that he leads. As Focus on the Family writes, "Leadership doesn't give a husband the right to rob his wife of being a unique individual. And he should never misuse leadership to get his own way."
As Rick and I walked through the 25+ years of leading this ministry, I have learned to trust, honor and affirm Rick's leadership. In response, Rick has grown to trust my instincts and listen carefully to my input. We are a team. We work to honor and affirm one another's strengths and talents. To me, this is obedience in God's eyes.
We are called to obey for the sake or each other ~ either in protection of our marriage or to nurture one another. Rick and I work together to live as visible signs of God's unconventional love.
