Empty Holes

     As a toddler my dad was physically abused and emotionally neglected.  Dad shared some of his early memories with me just a few years before he died.  One day my grandfather beat my grandmother enough to send her into a hospital for several weeks, then placed my dad and a younger sister in an orphanage.  My great-grandparents would eventually pull both children from this place and raise them.  


     Dad worked hard to be successful in life .  I think he was trying to fill the holes in his heart.   I think we all have some spaces in our hearts that long to be filled, too.  For my dad and I, acquiring 'things' was what seemed to temporarily fill those empty places.


     As an adult I would seek the help of counselors to learn new coping strategies for life.  I  had to learn how to be content with myself and with life.  For many years I sought to fill the voids in my heart with material possessions.   I'm sure Rick cringed whenever I'd announce,  "I'm going to Walmart,"  for he knew how easily money could slip through my fingers in the early years of our marriage!


     My parents clearly loved and raised me in a comfortable home with many benefits of my dad's hard work.  So why, then, was I discontented?  I think my personality was such that it craved more of everything -- more love, more stuff and more acceptance.  And I didn't really know God very well.  As I matured, I began to learn that not one thing was going to help me feel more content and comfortable with myself.  And I slowly learned to accept myself for who I was, and, to learn contentment with my station in life.


     Paul writes in his letter to the Philippians, "I have learned to be content in all things. I  know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4: 11-13)


     I am still learning to be content in all my circumstances.  Yes, my Toyota has 185,000 miles on it, but it is a very nice car.  Yes, I'd like to paint my house a new color, but now is not the time.  Others may find their own solutions for the holes in their heart, but for me, I've discovered that what fills my heart is my dependence on God.  Only He can bring true contentment and peace to my soul.