The Power of Words

"Wise speech is rarer and more valuable than gold and rubies."  Proverbs 20:15

"Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."  Proverbs 15:4

     My friend heard, "I'm perfect.  My dad says so!"  I struggled when my friend suddenly turned and flounced off towards another of our threesome.  For what seemed an eternity, three days, I stood alone on the playground watching my friends have fun together playing four-square.  This was fourth grade and friendships were solidly formed in my elementary school.  Most of us had attended classes together since first or second grade.  Suddenly I was without a friend in the world and feeling all alone.

     Fortunately I had a mother who was willing to try to "fix" my problem.  I just couldn't understand why my friend had distanced herself from me so suddenly.  Mom called my friend's mother to gain a better understanding of why this rift had occurred.  The issue was so simple:  I had stumbled with confusing the words "perfectionist" and "perfect"!  

     This would be a struggle in my life for years to come.  As an adult I have worked to solidly word-smith my choice of words with thought and wisdom.  Today I think I'm a fair-to-good communicator, but there are times when I struggle to find the right words to speak.  And I have studied and practiced how to think more carefully before speaking to others.  I have a tendency to want to speak quickly and without tact when trying to make a point.  My apologies come swiftly and from the heart, but I do wish my tongue could be better tamed.

Recently I came across a list of time-tested principles for women searching to make an impact on another without causing pain.  Here they are:

1.  Slow down.  Think before you speak.  So often I speak before thinking through the effect my words will have on another.  My father could be blunt and often to the point, and I can be the same way. I am a works-in-progress and continue to try to learn this skill.  

2.  Talk less.  This is especially difficult for extroverts like myself.  But as I practice, I've learned more about others and appreciate their words. A dominate speaker can be exhausting in any conversation.  Sincere authentic listening is a gift to be learned as one walks through life.  

3.  Ask for forgiveness when you've offended or hurt someone.  This I learned as early as my fourth grade crisis.  I sought out my friend and apologized for my remarks.  Thankfully all was forgiven quickly and we resumed playing together at recess.  

4.  Hide God's Word in your heart.  As I've grown older it has become harder for me to memorize anything, much less God's Word.  Thanks to Google, though, I can usually find a verse quickly by simply asking.  

5.  Ask yourself, are my words kind, helpful, necessary, tender, truthful ...?  Sensitive truthfulness  is something that I have asked God to lavish upon me.  

6.  Our words expose our hearts.   I have learned that words are like a two-edged sword.  Words can either heal or tear apart.  I want my words to make a positive difference in another's life.

7.  "The things that come out of mouth come from the heart ..." (Matthew 15:18) There are some subjects that I just know aren't good for me.  I have vivid memories of watching the Sunday afternoon horror movies after church.  I loved spooky shows, read true life murder books and listened to all sorts of rock-n-roll artists.  

Over the years God has gently encouraged me to be more sensitive and careful about what I read, watch or listen to.    

As I approach my 60's my prayer is that God helps me to tailor my words so that I can make a positive difference in other people.  

List contributed by Mark Batterson, "Whisper".