My Rich Life, Indeed

 On June 6, 1987, Rick and I were married in front of 200+ guests at a church we'd only visited once by a pastor we barely knew.  Our ceremony was beautiful and full of friends and relatives who were probably breathing a sigh of relief that their friends had finally found their soul mates.  We had a super great time at our wedding and reception, but do you know what I remember the most?  Striking the word "obey" from our wedding vows. In my remarkably immature 28 years of age, I thought there was absolutely no way I would ever obey my husband. I considered myself formidably independent and in no need of subjugation by another human.

Eight years later Rick asked if I would support him should he decide to launch a private consulting business with his friend, Gregg. Up to this point Rick had been in the banking industry, specifically the lending department. And from the onset of our relationship Rick had determined that he wanted to be a bank president, someday. Now, he was suddenly asking me to support a new and scary business venture ~ one that came without a steady, assured paycheck.

Truth be told I'd married Rick for many things, one of those reasons being his accounting background and desire to ascend the workplace ladder to the top. We were both working and living comfortably. I briefly wondered if Rick could support our lifestyle and what changes may come as a result. 

Because I'd grown up with a father who worked as a social worker for the county government, I knew how tight money could be, especially with two children to feed. As a teenager I remembered my father asking my mother if she would support his desire to work full-time as a dog trainer rather than as a social worker. (My father loved all animals and excelled as a horse and dog trainer. His great uncle was a famous horse jockey named Fred Taral. Look it up. He's listed on Wikipedia.)  "No. We need your steady paycheck, Nick." I will never know, but I think my father regretted not tackling his dream and heart's desire to work full time as a professional dog trainer. 

So when Rick asked me for support to start a consulting business, not missing a beat, I said, "Of course."  Seven years later, this consulting practice became a non-profit business/ministry and we found ourselves leading a life of ministry.  The company name evolved from Integrity Management to Unconventional Business Network over a span of about 10 years.

There were hard lessons for me to learn when Rick left the banking industry to pursue his calling.  We experienced some very, very lean years, but also rejoiced during profitable years. My learning curve took place very slowly.  But I finally began to understand that God would provide for our needs ~ on His timetable ~ and I need not worry about His provisions.  

There were very deep, deep valleys that we walked through along with great disappointments.  Working in a ministry, albeit a business ministry, could be utterly painful and quite lonely. People tend to view you differently when they learn you are in the ministry. 

I learned to stand strong in the wake of vicious storms in life. Satan loved to attack our family, but we stood strong. Our children learned the value of prayer. And they learned that life is not always 'living happily ever after'. As of this writing, both daughters are navigating life's challenges with grace and gritty determination ~ trusting God to move them forward.

By obeying the still, small voice of God to stand alongside and support Rick, I also learned to trust in Rick's wisdom and insight. I learned, too, that the biblical definition of OBEY is different than the world of today's definition. 

A biblical definition of obedience means for a wife to "confidently follow her husband's lead for he does have a responsibility for leadership in their home". It's only as a leader ~ not as a tyrant or superior ~ that he leads.  As Focus on the Family writes, "Leadership doesn't give a husband the right to rob his wife of being a unique individual. And he should never misuse leadership to get his own way." 

As Rick and I walked through the 25+ years of leading this ministry, I have learned to trust, honor and affirm Rick's leadership. In response, Rick has grown to trust my instincts and listen carefully to my input. We are a team. We work to honor and affirm one another's strengths and talents. To me, this is obedience in God's eyes.

We are called to obey for the sake or each other ~ either in protection of our marriage or to nurture one another. Rick and I work together to live as visible signs of God's unconventional love.

Beautiful Truths

Today I find myself thinking of people who taught me beautiful truths. Whether they explained ideas or their explanations for life circumstances, I learned. How I wish I could go back in time to thank each one of those exemplary teachers who imparted their wisdom. I am deeply grateful for those who, just by BEING, taught me many life lessons.

I am grateful for my mother who once said to me, "I know you're upset and angry, Kathy. Go work outside in your yard.  You'll feel better." This was during the season of breast cancer and I was struggling mightily with fear and anger. Fear that I might still die, and anger that I might still die. I did go outside and began to pull weeds with reckless abandon. And with each additional dandelion I yanked from the ground, I felt that fear and anger lessen its grip on my soul. As I know now, exercise in almost any form can act as a major stress reliever. Activity boosts the good-feeling endorphins and help distract us from daily worries. I still find pulling weeds to be therapeutic along with a fast-paced walk while telling God exactly how I feel about something.

While a sophomore in college, I met a group of students who were Christians.  They attended regular meetings and hosted many fun activities through an organization called Campus Crusade for Christ. During this time I was very wayward ~ including in not-good-for-you activities ~ that left me feeling empty, sour and probably, depressed. My answer to these feelings was to drown them away with drink. I did attend one such meeting and found everyone miserably "happy". I felt out-of-place and left quickly. The next day I crossed my dorm hallway to chat with person who seemed to genuinely wear her faith with joy and peace.  Two sentences are all that I remember, but they were enough to make a huge imprint in my life.  "Donna, I can't be like you and your friends," to which Donna replied, "You don't need to be like us. God loves you for who you are." Not wanting to hear more, I left soon thereafter. The end of school was near and Donna would marry and move far away. I wonder about her from time to time.  It would take me many years to understand that God does love us ~ despite our many failings and individual poor choices.

Another beautiful truth to share involves my husband, Rick. We'd only been married nine years when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We had two young children ~ Megan, just turned six, and Jeremy, four years old with autism. Life was difficult, challenging and full of pain. Looking back I can't imagine how Rick must've felt during this time. Fear, a resolve to keep marching forward despite the difficult steps we found ourselves taking and the unimaginable thought that, perhaps, I might die. My chemotherapy treatment had finished the end of April and we were lying in bed reflecting one night in early June. Wrapped in each others arms I remember confiding to Rick, "I feel so ugly." I was a pale ashen color and had just a hint of hair growth. "I feel so ugly." My strong, not-always-so-sensitive husband turned to me, left my chin and said, "You are more beautiful to me tonight than the day I married you." Can you imagine? He thought I was even more beautiful ~ without any hair.  That night I learned the meaning of unconditional love. Despite my many poor choices and failings, I appeared to be lovable and cherished. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Rick's words served as a balm to my soul and eventually helped me understand the value of God's unconditional love for me. 

 My father once said, "The difference between a successful person and a non-successful person is in the ability to "delay gratification".  He was talking about studying and doing well in school so that I could have a vocation/career to sustain me as an adult. I took this to heart and finished college with a B.S.N. fully capable of supporting myself as a young woman. During my many years of college, the importance of delaying gratification served me well. Money was tight and I lived frugally to make ends meet. Upon graduation, when I received my first paycheck as a registered nurse, and then, fully understood the importance of my father's words. 

Thank you, God, for giving me instructions, lessons, guidance and warnings when I was ready to be taught. I pray that You would do the same for those I deeply love. Amen.