Today I find myself thinking of people who taught me beautiful truths. Whether they explained ideas or their explanations for life circumstances, I learned. How I wish I could go back in time to thank each one of those exemplary teachers who imparted their wisdom. I am deeply grateful for those who, just by BEING, taught me many life lessons.
I am grateful for my mother who once said to me, "I know you're upset and angry, Kathy. Go work outside in your yard. You'll feel better." This was during the season of breast cancer and I was struggling mightily with fear and anger. Fear that I might still die, and anger that I might still die. I did go outside and began to pull weeds with reckless abandon. And with each additional dandelion I yanked from the ground, I felt that fear and anger lessen its grip on my soul. As I know now, exercise in almost any form can act as a major stress reliever. Activity boosts the good-feeling endorphins and help distract us from daily worries. I still find pulling weeds to be therapeutic along with a fast-paced walk while telling God exactly how I feel about something.
While a sophomore in college, I met a group of students who were Christians. They attended regular meetings and hosted many fun activities through an organization called Campus Crusade for Christ. During this time I was very wayward ~ including in not-good-for-you activities ~ that left me feeling empty, sour and probably, depressed. My answer to these feelings was to drown them away with drink. I did attend one such meeting and found everyone miserably "happy". I felt out-of-place and left quickly. The next day I crossed my dorm hallway to chat with person who seemed to genuinely wear her faith with joy and peace. Two sentences are all that I remember, but they were enough to make a huge imprint in my life. "Donna, I can't be like you and your friends," to which Donna replied, "You don't need to be like us. God loves you for who you are." Not wanting to hear more, I left soon thereafter. The end of school was near and Donna would marry and move far away. I wonder about her from time to time. It would take me many years to understand that God does love us ~ despite our many failings and individual poor choices.
Another beautiful truth to share involves my husband, Rick. We'd only been married nine years when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We had two young children ~ Megan, just turned six, and Jeremy, four years old with autism. Life was difficult, challenging and full of pain. Looking back I can't imagine how Rick must've felt during this time. Fear, a resolve to keep marching forward despite the difficult steps we found ourselves taking and the unimaginable thought that, perhaps, I might die. My chemotherapy treatment had finished the end of April and we were lying in bed reflecting one night in early June. Wrapped in each others arms I remember confiding to Rick, "I feel so ugly." I was a pale ashen color and had just a hint of hair growth. "I feel so ugly." My strong, not-always-so-sensitive husband turned to me, left my chin and said, "You are more beautiful to me tonight than the day I married you." Can you imagine? He thought I was even more beautiful ~ without any hair. That night I learned the meaning of unconditional love. Despite my many poor choices and failings, I appeared to be lovable and cherished. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Rick's words served as a balm to my soul and eventually helped me understand the value of God's unconditional love for me.
My father once said, "The difference between a successful person and a non-successful person is in the ability to "delay gratification". He was talking about studying and doing well in school so that I could have a vocation/career to sustain me as an adult. I took this to heart and finished college with a B.S.N. fully capable of supporting myself as a young woman. During my many years of college, the importance of delaying gratification served me well. Money was tight and I lived frugally to make ends meet. Upon graduation, when I received my first paycheck as a registered nurse, and then, fully understood the importance of my father's words.
Thank you, God, for giving me instructions, lessons, guidance and warnings when I was ready to be taught. I pray that You would do the same for those I deeply love. Amen.
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