It started over a pair of earrings! "Will you please help me change earrings, Kathy?" asked my younger sister, Judy. Sitting in her yellow bedroom in front of her make-up mirror, Judy was struggling to change her earrings. They were tender, having been pierced just a few weeks previously. "I can't get this one out!" she moaned. Judy was being extra special careful because she'd been wrestling with an infection immediately after her piercing.
"Oh, let me see!" Irritated and frustrated that my little sister had dared to interrupt my busy plans, I waltzed into her bedroom. As an older sister I wasn't always very compassionate or loving to Judy. This was one of those times. After looking at her earrings I took hold of one of them and yanked hard. Upon closer inspection I realized that this pair of earrings was mine, no less. Angry words tumbled from my mouth as I let my sister know unconditionally that my things were never to be touched. "Never! Never! Never!" I spat venomously!
Just 23 months apart, I used my elevated status as Older Sister to my advantage throughout our childhood. Until this point Judy had been just a pesky little sister. She and I didn't play much together as we had separate friends. Unless Mom asked me to let Judy tag along, I usually forbad her from playing with my friends and I. Oh, sure, I loved her. But we were two years apart and had ferocious sibling rivalry. And at this point in our lives, I was Queen Bee around the Taral house. Perhaps 15 years old at the time, I thought I was pretty cool and considered myself years ahead of my 13-year-old little sister!
After a minute or so of verbal exchange Judy had finally had enough of my self-centered behavior! She launched out of her chair and began defending herself. "You told me I could wear them! I didn't steal them from you!" Pretty soon our verbal exchanges moved into pushing, ... then scratching, ... then kicking! We were really at it when suddenly the doorbell rang. Both of us ran for the front door to open it, and as Judy placed her hand on the knob to throw open the door, I snatched the back of her hair and tugged backwards ~~ hard. Standing on our front doorstep with an expression of horror was our neighborhood Fuller-Brush Man. We pushed our way through the front door and landed ourselves in the front lawn ~~ still kicking and pushing one another! Further adding to the ruckus was the arrival of our parents whose expressions of surprise and total shock were registered as they slowed down to turn into our driveway! My mother's expression was priceless and I can still remember her open mouth and stark terror-filled eyes as she took in the scene: One Fuller-Brush Man at the doorstep, attache in hand, while two teenage daughters battled ferociously in the front yard under the canopy of two tall oak trees! Suddenly the wind flew out of both Judy and I. Ashamed, we both trudged back into the house.
I don't remember what happened after that incident. My sister and I had one more physical fight in college, then no more. Although our disagreements and episodic bursts of anger never achieved quite the status as this one, we did battle from time to time. But we also forged a tie that is strong even today. I know enough about relationships to know that sometimes there are misunderstandings and even break-ups. But I think that our tussles are what helps relationships grow strong, too. When friends and family can work through differences, yes, even angry episodes, then we're giving permission for the other to learn from their mistakes. Through the years I have learned many things from the relationship I have with my sister, but the one thing I have learned is that she loves me unconditionally despite myself and visa versa. And because we love unconditionally, we both better understand how solid relationships and friendships are to work. We are able to talk through our differences. Although it isn't always easy we have learned that talking through our misunderstandings is essential for maintaining our respect and support for one another.
I wish I had been a little more tolerant of my younger sister in our formative years. She's really a lot of fun and has a wicked sense of humor! We might have shared some really fun times together ...
