Chariots and Horses

 "Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He answers him from His holy heaven with the saving power of His right hand. Some trust in chariots and others in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." ~ Psalm 20:6-7

It all happened so fast; within 3 weeks, actually.  First, I learned of my breast cancer, then came the needle biopsy, then quickly thereafter, surgery to remove the cancer in my right breast.  Now I faced a terribly difficult decision. How, or was, I to be treated in the aftermath of surgery?

Surely I wanted to live.  Megan was just 5 years old, Jeremy recently turned 4 yrs. old. I was young ~ just 36 years old.  We wanted to fight the cancer but didn't like the idea of adding chemicals to my already weakened body.

So Rick and I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. 

For a short season, Rick was leaning towards no chemotherapy because of a Bible verse he'd recently come across. "Some trust in chariots and others in horses, ..."  He wondered if God was saying, "Trust in me, not in chemotherapy." I wasn't so sure, but I did see his point. So we prayed some more.

God answered our prayers through two people who delivered a clear and unified message.

The next morning I received two telephone calls from my two different doctors ~ my oncologist and my surgeon.  "You need chemo, Kathy.  This cancer is super aggressive and we are concerned.  You're young with two small children.  Fight the cancer with all your might."

Having been a hematology/oncology nurse in earlier years, I knew what I was in for. Nausea, hair loss, fatigue, low blood counts which meant susceptibility to infections.  Chemotherapy isn't pretty.

With a heavy heart but strong resolve, I met with my oncologist and started chemo just two weeks following surgery. And it certainly was a trial. One week of sickness, one week of fatigue, then one week of feeling pretty good.  This was the cycle for 4 months. And I can say that I felt and looked awful without any hair including eyebrows and eyelashes!  To say that I blended in with the white walls was an understatement as I was pale as can be with big dark circles around both eyes.  

During my battle with cancer, I had many well-meaning friends encourage me to "stay positive," and "you have to believe that you can beat this cancer".  I'd laugh to myself because early in my treatment phase, I knew WHO was going to either heal me in death or heal me in life.  God.  

Yet, I persevered and finished the fight.  I credit God for using others to help me make the wise choice to submit to further treatment. My trust was in God, who used chemo to mop-up any remaining cancer cells. 

We don't have the power to beat our diseases like cancer, but God does.  Yet, we know that some are healed through life, others through death.  God allowed me to live for awhile longer on this earth and I am eternally grateful.  

As of today, I have been in remission for 27 years and all three of our children are now adults.  Both daughters have given me grandchildren. At this stage in my life I hope to exhibit unconditional love for our grandchildren just as Jesus has shown unconditionally love to me.  And I pray for our family and  future generations.  One day God will call me home to heaven.  It may be through cancer, an accident or simply through old age. But I trust Him to carry me in His capable arms along this journey called life.  

Sibling Storm

"A friend is one that knows you are you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."  ~~ William Shakespeare

     It started over a pair of earrings!  "Will you please help me change earrings, Kathy?" asked my younger sister, Judy.  Sitting in her yellow bedroom in front of her make-up mirror, Judy was struggling to change her earrings. They were tender, having been pierced just a few weeks previously.  "I can't get this one out!" she moaned.  Judy was being extra special careful because she'd been wrestling with an infection immediately after her piercing.

     "Oh, let me see!" Irritated and frustrated that my little sister had dared to interrupt my busy plans, I waltzed into her bedroom.  As an older sister I wasn't always very compassionate or loving to Judy.  This was one of those times.  After looking at her earrings I took hold of one of them and yanked hard.  Upon closer inspection I realized that this pair of earrings was mine, no less.  Angry words tumbled from my mouth as I let my sister know unconditionally that my things were never to be touched.  "Never!  Never!  Never!" I spat venomously!

     Just 23 months apart, I used my elevated status as Older Sister to my advantage throughout our childhood.  Until this point Judy had been just a pesky little sister.  She and I didn't play much together as we had separate friends.  Unless Mom asked me to let Judy tag along, I usually forbad her from playing with my friends and I.  Oh, sure, I loved her.  But we were two years apart and had ferocious sibling rivalry.  And at this point in our lives, I was Queen Bee around the Taral house.  Perhaps 15 years old at the time, I thought I was pretty cool and considered myself years ahead of my 13-year-old  little sister!

     After a minute or so of verbal exchange Judy had finally had enough of my self-centered behavior!  She launched out of her chair and began defending herself.  "You told me I could wear them!  I didn't steal them from you!"  Pretty soon our verbal exchanges moved into pushing, ... then scratching, ... then kicking!  We were really at it when suddenly the doorbell rang.  Both of us ran for the front door to open it, and as Judy placed her hand on the knob to throw open the door, I snatched the back of her hair and tugged backwards ~~ hard.  Standing on our front doorstep with an expression of horror was our neighborhood Fuller-Brush Man.  We pushed our way through the front door and landed ourselves in the front lawn ~~ still kicking and pushing one another!  Further adding to the ruckus was the arrival of our parents whose expressions of surprise and total shock were registered as they slowed down to turn into our driveway!  My mother's expression was priceless and I can still remember her open mouth and stark terror-filled eyes as she took in the scene:  One Fuller-Brush Man at the doorstep, attache in hand, while two teenage daughters battled ferociously in the front yard under the canopy of two tall oak trees!  Suddenly the wind flew out of both Judy and I.  Ashamed, we both trudged back into the house.

     I don't remember what happened after that incident.  My sister and I had one more physical fight in college, then no more.  Although our disagreements and episodic bursts of anger never achieved quite the status as this one, we did battle from time to time.  But we also forged a tie that is strong even today.  I know enough about relationships to know that sometimes there are misunderstandings and even break-ups.  But I think that our tussles are what helps relationships grow strong, too.  When friends and family can work through differences, yes, even angry episodes, then we're giving permission for the other to learn from their mistakes.  Through the years I have learned many things from the relationship I have with my sister, but the one thing I have learned is that she loves me unconditionally despite myself and visa versa.  And because we love unconditionally, we both better understand how solid relationships and friendships are to work.  We are able to talk through our differences.  Although it isn't always easy we have learned that talking through our misunderstandings is essential for maintaining our respect and support for one another.  

      I wish I had been a little more tolerant of my younger sister in our formative years.  She's really a lot of fun and has a wicked sense of humor!  We might have shared some really fun times together ...   

Kevin: Optimism in the Face of Adversity

     (Permission given by Kevin's mother to share this story . )

     There were lots of kids to play with in our neighborhood.  Our street had less than twenty homes built on it and dead-ended with a picturesque horse pasture complete with an authentic horse shed!   Feeding the horses apples was always a treat.  This beautiful pasture and the Big Woods behind our houses provided hours of entertainment for all of us.  Dad and Mom built our home in 1964 for just $19,000.  Our neighbors bought their homes around the same time and all the kids grew into adulthood together.  The newly planted trees were itty-bitty and most of the homes were three bedroom ranches.  Except for occasional escape of Rusty, the neighborhood (scary) dog, we felt safe and protected on our little block in southern Kansas City. 

     During the summer we had great fun, playing all sorts of games until dusk when our parents began calling us home for dinner.  Everyone looked after everyone else's kids.  It was easy for us to go to someone else's home to play for awhile because the mothers kept each other informed.  We played games like freeze tag, rode our bikes up and down the street, and built many forts in the Big Woods.  In the winter we built snow homes, went sledding and explored the wintry wonderland of the world blanketed in snow.

     I don't remember the first time I met seven-year-old Kevin who lived next door, but it must've been soon after we moved into our new home.  Kevin was a couple years older than me and I remember once watching him awkwardly raise himself to a standing position from a sitting position on his driveway.  Kevin sort of spread himself face down to the pavement then slowly walked his hands backward while pulling his rear end upward.  Was Kevin having trouble standing? I wondered.  Later I asked my mother about Kevin and she told me, "Kevin has muscular dystrophy."  I was saddened by this admission. 

     Two or three years later Kevin was in a wheelchair.  Although he still played with us, we had to modify our play so that he could still be a part of our pretend world.  When we played spaceship on someone's swing set, Kevin was the commander from his space throne.  While we rode our bikes playing "traffic", one of the older kids on the block, Bob, pushed Kevin in his wheelchair up and down our little block.  When we played "pioneers", Kevin was the wagon train leader.  In time Kevin's world grew a little smaller because he couldn't come with us into the woods.  And as Kevin grew older, he played less and less.  I wondered if Kevin was tired, or just growing up and no longer interested in pretend games.

     Forty-three years ago on October 6th, thirteen-year-old Kevin died.  He'd entered the hospital with a bout of pneumonia and expectantly died on the day he was being released to come home.  We were all very sad.  Kevin's younger brother, Dennis, didn't talk much about his brother to us after that.  We, his friends, were sad not only for the loss of our friend, but for the loss his family was experiencing as well.  We grieved for Dennis who was an exceptional brother to Kevin -- it was clear that Dennis loved his brother very much. 

     Because of my time with Kevin, I learned two things:  First, Kevin was one of the most intelligent, optimistic persons I've ever met.  Kevin had a great sense of humor and  always quick to smile.  Kevin didn't call attention to his disability.  Instead he called attention to life and how precious life was.  And people genuinely liked being around Kevin because of his innate optimism.  I learned how to show courage in the face of adversity. 

     Second, I remember staring out our kitchen window watching Bob stroll Kevin up and down our street even during the cool seasons.  These two friends were always talking and laughing together.  I didn't know the word at the time, but I now know that compassion and a deep abiding friendship existed between Bob and Kevin.  God took care of Kevin's needs through others like Bob, and I know Kevin offered others something special in return -- unconditional love and acceptance.  I learned that by giving unselfishly to others one can be touched in a deep and very profound way.

     Now I am watching this same principle play out with our son, Jeremy.  God continues to show His love for Jeremy through others as He did for Kevin.  And I hope Jeremy's friends recognize the unconditional love and acceptance that Jeremy offers in return. 

     "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others."  Philippians 2:3-4