Chariots and Horses

 "Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He answers him from His holy heaven with the saving power of His right hand. Some trust in chariots and others in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." ~ Psalm 20:6-7

It all happened so fast; within 3 weeks, actually.  First, I learned of my breast cancer, then came the needle biopsy, then quickly thereafter, surgery to remove the cancer in my right breast.  Now I faced a terribly difficult decision. How, or was, I to be treated in the aftermath of surgery?

Surely I wanted to live.  Megan was just 5 years old, Jeremy recently turned 4 yrs. old. I was young ~ just 36 years old.  We wanted to fight the cancer but didn't like the idea of adding chemicals to my already weakened body.

So Rick and I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. 

For a short season, Rick was leaning towards no chemotherapy because of a Bible verse he'd recently come across. "Some trust in chariots and others in horses, ..."  He wondered if God was saying, "Trust in me, not in chemotherapy." I wasn't so sure, but I did see his point. So we prayed some more.

God answered our prayers through two people who delivered a clear and unified message.

The next morning I received two telephone calls from my two different doctors ~ my oncologist and my surgeon.  "You need chemo, Kathy.  This cancer is super aggressive and we are concerned.  You're young with two small children.  Fight the cancer with all your might."

Having been a hematology/oncology nurse in earlier years, I knew what I was in for. Nausea, hair loss, fatigue, low blood counts which meant susceptibility to infections.  Chemotherapy isn't pretty.

With a heavy heart but strong resolve, I met with my oncologist and started chemo just two weeks following surgery. And it certainly was a trial. One week of sickness, one week of fatigue, then one week of feeling pretty good.  This was the cycle for 4 months. And I can say that I felt and looked awful without any hair including eyebrows and eyelashes!  To say that I blended in with the white walls was an understatement as I was pale as can be with big dark circles around both eyes.  

During my battle with cancer, I had many well-meaning friends encourage me to "stay positive," and "you have to believe that you can beat this cancer".  I'd laugh to myself because early in my treatment phase, I knew WHO was going to either heal me in death or heal me in life.  God.  

Yet, I persevered and finished the fight.  I credit God for using others to help me make the wise choice to submit to further treatment. My trust was in God, who used chemo to mop-up any remaining cancer cells. 

We don't have the power to beat our diseases like cancer, but God does.  Yet, we know that some are healed through life, others through death.  God allowed me to live for awhile longer on this earth and I am eternally grateful.  

As of today, I have been in remission for 27 years and all three of our children are now adults.  Both daughters have given me grandchildren. At this stage in my life I hope to exhibit unconditional love for our grandchildren just as Jesus has shown unconditionally love to me.  And I pray for our family and  future generations.  One day God will call me home to heaven.  It may be through cancer, an accident or simply through old age. But I trust Him to carry me in His capable arms along this journey called life.