It's 1966. In my dream I'm frantically running along a busy city street. A man wearing a brown fedora is darting in and out of the crowd in an effort to catch me. I'm frantically looking everywhere for a place to hide. Glancing around I see a daycare of sorts. It looks just like a store front, but there are lots of toys and children playing inside. Desperately I fling open the door and cry out, "Where can I hide?! A man is chasing me!" The few adults are silent. Their faces betray a mix of bewilderment, fear and confusion, but they say nothing. .
To my utter amazement I see a stack of twenty mattresses (yes, just like the fairy tale, "Princess and the Pea") piled upon one another in a corner. Just as I reach the top mattress and slide comfortable down into the middle the pursuing man bursts into the classroom! He shouts for all to hear, "Where is she!? Where is the little girl?!" I abruptly awaken, shaking and fearing for my life. It's dark and I realize that I had only been dreaming.
On July 8, 1965 a kidnapping was reported of a 9-year-old girl, Denise Sue Clinton, from an Independence Motel. Denise was staying overnight with her grandparents, the managers of this motel. Her family had just returned from a trip to California. She was known as a friendly and out-going girl. She was a Brownie Girl Scout just like me. The KC news coverage was extensive and I remember my grandparents and parents warning me over and over to "never go with strangers". Just eight years old myself, I was stunned that someone would kidnap a little girl -- right in front of her grandparents! Kidnappings were random in those days and the coverage of Denise's kidnapping was extensive. I began to worry that someone would try to kidnap me, too, and I started having dreams like the one above. Always someone was chasing me.
Throughout the years I have wrestled with the fear of kidnapping, first for myself as a young child, then for our children. I fretted and watched over all three children like a mother hen. Once, as Megan prepared to go shopping with her dad, I scared her so much that she begged to stay home! Another time I gave her a little Christmas bell that hung around her neck so that I could hear her if she wandered off! She thought it was great fun, but my intent was to protect her against a possible kidnapping!
When Jeremy wandered off in search of the restrooms at Silver Dollar City, I panicked. For ten minutes we frantically searched the Gift Shop for Jeremy. In my mind I easily imagined the worst --Jeremy wandering into the parking lot only to be kidnapped by deranged people. Thankfully we found Jeremy before he wandered too far away! But as we drove home, I began to think about my fears -- and, prayed for peace. This incident had left me feeling emotionally drained and unsettled within my soul.
I began to remember how God had shown His love for our family throughout the years. I realized that my fears of kidnapping went beyond the rational thinking of safety issues. "Do you trust me?" I could hear God whisper into my heart. "Are you willing to give me the fate of your children or do you still desire to control life?" I realized that my attempts at control were fruitless. Ultimately God was in control of my life, which sometimes meant difficult and painful times. It was only by facing my fear that I was able to begin to heal and move beyond it. In due time, I shared my fear with the children and explained where it had originated from so very long ago. In doing so I helped teach them the lesson of how to navigate beyond one's fears. We all have fears -- but they do not need to rule over our lives.
There are still times when I remind Megan and Rebekah to walk with awareness when shopping and I always remind Jeremy to stay close to one of us when in public. The girls smile sweetly while acknowledging that 'yes' they would be careful. But now we all smile and recognize Who really watches over us-- and trust that God will walk beside us through the hills and the valleys in life.
"So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you and help you, and will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
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