When people first learn that Jeremy has autism, I'm usually asked this question: "So, (hesitant pause) when did you first know that something was wrong?" When asked this question I'm immediately transported back in time to two specific events -- both of which are vivid and fresh in my mind. I can still remember the horror I felt as I watched these two scenes unfold and the ache in my heart for our darling little boy, who was not quite two years old.
My first memory occurred when Jeremy was twenty-two months old. He was such a happy little boy -- and usually responded to my playful teasing with a smile and a gleeful laugh. This time was different. We played one game whenever I changed his diaper or dressed him and played the "name the body part game". That morning, as I was dressing Jeremy for the day, I tickled his little belly and asked, "Where's your nose?" Nothing. Jeremy simply didn't respond. He seemed to be staring somewhere else - definitely not at me. "Where's your nose, little guy?" I asked once again. Again, no response. Hmmm, That's strange, I thought. Let's try another body part. "Where's your eyes?" then, "Where's your ears?" and so on. With mounting anxiety I continued to try to recapture my son's attention. Jeremy didn't seem to be paying much attention to me no matter what I said or did.
My second memory I have occurred on Jeremy's second birthday. We had invited several children over to help celebrate this special occasion. But when I put the birthday cake down in front of Jeremy, he didn't seem to understand. Without batting an eye Jeremy's little chubby hand flew into that birthday cake! In mere seconds he'd grabbed some cake and stuffed a piece into his tiny mouth! It dawned on me in an instant -- Jeremy didn't understand. In fact, he didn't seem to have a clue that this was his birthday! He'd ignored his guests and simply dived into the cake because it looked yummy.
My mind returned to Megan's second birthday just two years previously. She'd been so excited to have her friends over for games, cake and presents! "Oh, look at the beautiful presents!" she had exclaimed. "Here come my friends!" Jeremy hadn't given his guests much notice. And as I watched Jeremy eat his cake, it began to dawn on me that something really was wrong with our beautiful little boy.
By age four Jeremy still wasn't talking nor was he interacting much with others besides our immediate family. The professionals told us there was little hope for our beautiful son. No one expected Jeremy to talk or interact with others in a meaningful way. And he didn't really start to talk until much later in life. He was considered severely impacted by his autism.
This month Jeremy turns 21. As of now Jeremy understands that his birthday is a special day, indeed. He greets guests at the door, "How are you? ... (without missing a beat) I am fine!" Then we do something fun like bowling or roller skating before singing "Happy Birthday" and opening presents. Jeremy will tell you that his birthday means cake and presents. I'm not sure if he really understands the concept of age.
I wrestle with assorted emotions during this time. As the years pass by I sort of grieve because I know Jeremy will be in different places than peers his age. Don't misunderstand me -- I am very grateful that Jeremy has become who he is today. But I remember where we have come from -- "Where's your eyes, Jeremy?" and smile for now we've graduated to "Why do we need our eyes, Jeremy?"
And I'm reminded of just how much Jeremy has grown from those early lost years of one afflicted with autism. This year as we celebrate Jeremy's birthday, he will laugh with others, ice skate with others, eat cake with others and exuberantly open presents -- once more showing us his playful and interactive side! God has been faithful and good.
P.S. Jeremy has asked for this following birthday gifts: "I want a Peter Pan DVD, roller blades, a scooter and a ping pong table!" I find his birthday list just precious.
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